Well hello internet friends and fellow travelers!
I’ve been a busy lady these past four months. I haven’t lost a single pound but I’ve maintained my weight and had a lot of non-scale victories I would like to share with everyone.
So for now I just want to say ‘ello and you will be hearing from me shortly.
PS in the interim I discovered Doctor Who, so there is another fandom I get to be a part of for your geek enjoyment!
Most my adult life I’ve had my hair short. This past year I decided to grow it out for my husband because he fancies longer hair. I’m not saying it looked bad but I really never wore it down. As I was looking for a before shot for this blog I could only find one photo where I wasn’t wearing it up.
I just have to admit am just not a long hair sort of gal. Having my hair down on my neck just isn’t for me. Sure, being able to have Wednesday Addams braids was cool, but I’d rather just my hair short and cute.
Short and cute.
Really how I describe myself. I know that there are aspects of me that are beautiful(my eyes, hot damn) but mostly I consider myself to be cute.
I never really perceive myself as sexy either. I know that a portion of that perception is due to sexual abuse as a child, but since my revelation regarding the abuse I’ve really tried to see myself as a sexual being.
That there isn’t any shame in having desires even as a plus sized woman. Hell, especially as a plus sized woman.
So often we let other’s skewed perceptions of us guide our own. We end up feeling poorly about ourselves and we don’t change because we have certain expectations of ourselves.
These limits only hurt us in the long run. They prevent us from living up to our potential, achieving our dreams and ultimately keeping us from happiness.
Its a two way street though.
Sometimes its perceptions of loved ones or even total strangers that can help us see beauty in ourselves we would otherwise miss.
This new haircut has given me a small opportunity to see myself differently. Allow myself to feel like a beautiful person, confident that I can reach the goals that I have set for myself and to shake off any negativity from others I might have let bring me down in the past.
Also I had a coupon for it so yay for frugality!
~Kudi
The Shamrock Run is an Adidas sponsored event every March that donates a portion of its proceeds to Doernbecher Children’s Hospital here in Portland. The hospital is part of OHSU, which I’m becoming more and more familiar with thanks to my IIH. I got lost on my way to my ONSF surgery consultation and went through Doernbecher, it brought me to tears to see so many children sick and in pain but what made me smile was all the care and love they were receiving not just from their families but from the staff as well. So its nice to be a part of something that can help others.
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| I got a sweet ass Adidas shirt for participating |
Like so many events in my life I ended up being late due to one or many things going wrong. The first was getting Ella ready to go and the directions provided by the website were a little off. It seemed like they were for getting to the venue hours and hours before the event started because it would have had us driving through parts of the course and by the time we got down there for the 5k walk barricades were already up and we ended up parked about a mile from the starting area. So you can imagine how Ella was doing by the time we actually got to the starting area. We didn’t even get to the end of the first mile before she decided she was done and wanted to go back to the car.
So I did what anyone would do, I put her on my shoulders and carried her. By the end of the second mile I was starting to get tired so I made her walk the last mile herself. She asked me if we could move to Seattle so that next year she didn’t have to do the walk with me. Which made me sad because next year it is on St. Patrick’s Day, her 7th birthday. We’ll see how she feels in a year. Even though it is my goal to run the 5k next year so it may be for the best if I do it on my own.
As we progressed more and more people would pass us. Even children that were smaller than Ella seemed to move faster than she did. She kept stopping and not wanting to keep going. “Can’t we just go back to the car mom?” was said more times than I could count. But I just kept assuring her we were getting there, we were going to finish together and then we’d go home and celebrate. We were literally the last people across the finish line but we finished and that’s all that matters. Next up is the Rose Parade Walk in June. I’m hoping to convince my mother in law to do it with me.
Its a new year everyone! Are you prepared for the alien invasion on December 22nd?! Ok probably not but I’m sure many of you woke up on the 1st or maybe even a few days before and thought, what is my new years resolution going to be this year? For many it is to drop the pounds they gained during the holidays or for many obese people its that magical day when they get to reset their diet clocks and start again. Gym memberships are purchased, fresh foods are brought home and sales of exercise equipment goes through the roof. Only to be sold in February, tossed into the garbage rotten and gym employees take bets on who is going to come back and who will just go sit on their couch. Its freaking ridiculous in my opinion. The start of a new year doesn’t mean you HAVE to start over. Every day, every hour you can start over it doesn’t take a new year to jump start your fitness goals. You’re perfect the way you are, don’t try to change yourself if you don’t want to or just because the calendar changed.
Frustration with social norms really isn’t the reason I don’t do resolutions though. No, mean 6th graders is why I don’t do resolutions. I was always a really good student, focusing on my schoolwork gave me an out mentally to my home life and the praise I received at school was a small replacement of the praise I would receive at home. School became my safe haven, until middle school that is. Its the same old story, overweight girl gets made fun of by bullies. I was getting asked if I were a beached whale, if I were pregnant blah blah blah that old crap. Well during band in 6th grade we were all supposed to go up in front of the class and tell everyone what our new year’s resolution was. Now being an overweight girl that got made fun of all the time it was natural that my resolution was going to be to lose weight. I couldn’t tell my whole class that, it was embarrassing so I just figured I’d go with the old stand by, to get better grades, yah like I needed better grades, I was an A/B+ student. Well before I could even answer the boys in the back yelled
the whole class laughed and I was forever scarred. I vowed that day to never make a new year’s resolution and I’ve kept to it all these years.
A new year for me simply means that in 3 days its my birthday. That’s really how I gauge a new year has started and this year I am not only getting a year older but I am also entering a new decade in my life. The 30’s. Its the new 20’s.
FitGeekMom 